There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
