3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
We need to rekindle our bromance
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
