If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Randomize