I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
