take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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