She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I smell like Dick and happiness
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