Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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