Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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