I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Cover your peen. We're going out.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
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