You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
