my mouth tastes like poor choices
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Randomize
