he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
