Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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