I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
I think i got beer on your cat.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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