how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize