so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
This is the prime rib incident all over again
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
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