I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
