Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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