I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
I have fence marks all over my body
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize