I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Randomize
