I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
