i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize