Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
