Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize