just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
