I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
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