you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
