well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
