You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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