there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
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