I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
