I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
