Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
