don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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