I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
