you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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