this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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