She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
