i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
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