i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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