It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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