So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
