The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
