omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Randomize
