I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
