remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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