just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
