so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
