Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Come share oat with me in your robe
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
