I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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