I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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