i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
