oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I supernannyed him into submission
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Randomize
