Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
