im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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