Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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