No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
