And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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