I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
false alarm. still invincible.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize