ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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