Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
