So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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