my room smells like sperm. sweet.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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