I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
