Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
