goodnight i made you a song goodbye
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
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